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venusundae) wrote2018-10-06 10:14 am
venusundae) wrote2018-10-06 10:14 am
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long time no post yea i say that every time it's been more than twenty minutes since my last update but that's bc the goal here is to write down literally everything and anything so i can read about it later and be like oh yea what a sap
so today's my birthday. and i'm obsessed w my birthday and am totally about making it a big deal but i guess that's why i'm rly sad today. i'm just not where i wanted to be by now, which is far away from here, even tho i know that's being mean to myself and dismissing just how far i have come and how much i rly do have to go through in order to realize the dream~ and all that. it's not like i'm not constantly moving. but i'm judging myself the way others would judge someone who has far less to overcome than me so it gets messy and unhelpful.
anyway i had a dream last night that i had a baby. and i got all sappy about it in a i-wanna-be-a-mom-but-know-i'm-not-ready-to-be kind of way even tho i think if it means anything it means a birth of something more figurative than an actual human child. especially bc i've never in my life considered becoming pregnant lmao.
his name was daniel and he had dark red hair and he was so sweet and smart and details aside it was just a very lovely time to go through raising him into a kind hearted and loving lil boy who changed my life.
lotta thoughts swimming. maybe i need to feel all sad and weepy after feeling rly great for so long to kick me into overdrive or something haha. here's to wishing for the best and making the best.
so today's my birthday. and i'm obsessed w my birthday and am totally about making it a big deal but i guess that's why i'm rly sad today. i'm just not where i wanted to be by now, which is far away from here, even tho i know that's being mean to myself and dismissing just how far i have come and how much i rly do have to go through in order to realize the dream~ and all that. it's not like i'm not constantly moving. but i'm judging myself the way others would judge someone who has far less to overcome than me so it gets messy and unhelpful.
anyway i had a dream last night that i had a baby. and i got all sappy about it in a i-wanna-be-a-mom-but-know-i'm-not-ready-to-be kind of way even tho i think if it means anything it means a birth of something more figurative than an actual human child. especially bc i've never in my life considered becoming pregnant lmao.
his name was daniel and he had dark red hair and he was so sweet and smart and details aside it was just a very lovely time to go through raising him into a kind hearted and loving lil boy who changed my life.
lotta thoughts swimming. maybe i need to feel all sad and weepy after feeling rly great for so long to kick me into overdrive or something haha. here's to wishing for the best and making the best.