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getoffamegetoffamegetoffame
May. 17th, 2019 05:14 pmso yea i guess clearing is the theme of the hour and i'm still at it!
i started a corny longfic years ago that was rly sappy but made me feel all fuzzy and shit inside, right. but life happens and i kind of sort of stopped updating after chapter 4 whoops. i want to finish it! and even tho i've been idly thinking so for three years i'm actually starting to write it again and it's just making me stupidly happy honestly.
BUT what i did not anticipate (but probably should have) is that suddenly - getting back into the headscape i was in when outlining this story - i also brought back up a lot of that absolute SHITTY feelings and ideas and junk that was happening back when i first started writing: embarrassing memories galore and awkward resentment over crummy people i haven't thought about in ages ugh
thankfully it's not too overwhelming. or at least i am not letting it be. i only had to straight up PAUSE my life for a few hours to kinda Skillz my pathologies back onto their designated shelves, thank you. i already had the notion of "wow! i'm a very different person today than i was three years ago" just by going through my notes and realizing what i'd change about the story now. so the subsequent baggage that decided to hitch a ride on up from my subconscious didn't have too great of a foothold at least. sometimes being over-saturated with self-awareness has it's perks, right :D
who knows if anybody is ever gonna read this anymore. good thing i don't care! i think i am just in desperate need for some absolutely self indulgent sap and also crave feeling accomplished by actually finishing one of my ever growing list of wip creative projects big and small. so fuck the haterz i'm being embarrassing and corny and having fun doing it bye
i started a corny longfic years ago that was rly sappy but made me feel all fuzzy and shit inside, right. but life happens and i kind of sort of stopped updating after chapter 4 whoops. i want to finish it! and even tho i've been idly thinking so for three years i'm actually starting to write it again and it's just making me stupidly happy honestly.
BUT what i did not anticipate (but probably should have) is that suddenly - getting back into the headscape i was in when outlining this story - i also brought back up a lot of that absolute SHITTY feelings and ideas and junk that was happening back when i first started writing: embarrassing memories galore and awkward resentment over crummy people i haven't thought about in ages ugh
thankfully it's not too overwhelming. or at least i am not letting it be. i only had to straight up PAUSE my life for a few hours to kinda Skillz my pathologies back onto their designated shelves, thank you. i already had the notion of "wow! i'm a very different person today than i was three years ago" just by going through my notes and realizing what i'd change about the story now. so the subsequent baggage that decided to hitch a ride on up from my subconscious didn't have too great of a foothold at least. sometimes being over-saturated with self-awareness has it's perks, right :D
who knows if anybody is ever gonna read this anymore. good thing i don't care! i think i am just in desperate need for some absolutely self indulgent sap and also crave feeling accomplished by actually finishing one of my ever growing list of wip creative projects big and small. so fuck the haterz i'm being embarrassing and corny and having fun doing it bye
