i like just the way you are

HOLY SHIT i had a dream last night that i was listening to an entire playlist of some choice ass tunes and i only just now realized none of them exist and i can never listen to them again lmfao i'm so sad

for posterity i.e future me who will think i actually want to take on the endeavor of recreating this ambience, there are a number of elements to keep in mind:

• if it were any soshi song it would be wake up (slept on i swear), but other than that it was too dark even for rdr soshi. BUT if there were any vibezzz??? the immensity of watching the karma butterfly dance from the tokyo dome concert dvd and you cry just because it is so beautiful and also you're gay and in love w them.


• also simultaneously like the whole ominous aesthetic of grimes' we appreciate power but also with the energy of all the elon musk memes in the comments trailing right behind


• then also also, imagining it's 2014 again and leaving your stupid crush's house at 1 in the morning after NOT making out bc you are both idiots and obviously in love with each other but too shy and anxiety ridden to say anything but you are still all giddy and smiley and shit and phoner to arizona comes up on shuffle and you turn it up so loud and there's nobody else on the road almost the entire way back into town and you're blasting the ac on your face for some reason.


• living that weird moment when you look at just below high quality picures of yoursef not trendy enough for insta but you realize if you were murdered that'd be what they'd use in the memorial service graphics


• also every stupid late night cover of teen suicide songs you posted to your ptsd vent blog back when you were on tumblr every day. but all the parts of that that were just genuine and impulsive and honest and none of the wallowing or self loathing. plus the glitch editing lmao


• if the makeup looks from isshehungry's instagram were a song


• being on top of the parking garage behind whiskey row on the weekend and you can hear like five bands playing different songs and you didn't wear enough layers and it's kinda chilly


• unironically, neon on black myspace themes and coordinating xanga blog layouts ajkdgrshkjdbhkdfgs

this mixtape dropping soon watch tf out world

i had a dream last night where my mom was keeping things from me in her own room. my freshly laundered underwear, my old cell phone, the only food in the house with which to make a sandwich!

and i would find reasons to go in there and get something for her, or talk to her while she was in there, so i could scope out the scene and mentally log where all my stuff was. most of it right out in the open.

and i'd come up with weird plans for how i would snag two pieces of lettuce, and they'd have to just sit in my bedside table drawer until i could find a way to bring the bread i just sliced into my room too, and anything else i wanted on the sandwich. i'd go into her room while holding my cat so i could use his fluff to hide when i grabbed my phone from her table after pretending he was just sniffing around.

and if there is any message for me to gather from this i doubt it has anything to do w my own mother. frankly she's probably the last person in my life i need to worry about 👀

but i think it does have to do with others who have put themselves in power over me, and how i can and will take back what is mine from them.

(now i just gotta figure out how exactly)

I had a dream where Ginny Weasley's bedroom was translucent in order to 'surpass all fairy tales' and she had bars on her windows that you could only pass through once you became very very sad.

i don't know what that means or if i should bother remembering it, but i am still thinking about it.