sizzle sizzle sizzle
Feb. 13th, 2018 11:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
venusundaetip from the memoir: when tough emotions stop being helpful just yell rly loud "excuse me? i've got bigger fish to fry!!!" to banish them
this helped me out last night lmao and it's funny bc today at vagina monologues rehearsal i practiced my piece, which always takes a lot out of me. it's a tough one, anyway. but i put my all into it, every time. and it can be very draining and also bring me down pretty far. and for a while there i was feeling worse and worse as the days went on, anyway, and so when i'd rehearse it would take a bigger toll on me each time. sometimes it took three other monologues being rehearsed and then the song run through twice before i felt present, if still a lil off. the last time before tonight that i ran through it, i never recovered all night. i could no longer smile genuinely until going home and sleeping it off.
but tonight, i finished my piece. i dried my eyes. i cry every time i perform it, ya know. and i took a few deep breaths. i sat down. and i said to myself, okay. i performed, and i am proud of how i did, and i feel i did justice to the woman whose story i was telling. now i am allowed to be present, where i am right now.
and i told the tough atmosphere, the heavy emotions in particular, the actual energy itself that has no bias and no judgment, that i had bigger fish to fry!!!
those feelings serve me well sometimes. but when they do not i do not need anyone's permission to free myself from them in order to be the best i can be.
and i had a good time!
plus this morning i half-listened to a reading of ~the magic story~ on youtube while also doing multiple other things, and the one line that stuck out to me in my distraction was about each of us having a plus entity and a minus entity within ourselves that we can choose to align with.and so i was casually like, hey, okay, then i choose to align w my plus entity. got some lil goosebumps. and went the fuck on w my day. simple and small as that. but i think it means and will keep meaning a lot.
this helped me out last night lmao and it's funny bc today at vagina monologues rehearsal i practiced my piece, which always takes a lot out of me. it's a tough one, anyway. but i put my all into it, every time. and it can be very draining and also bring me down pretty far. and for a while there i was feeling worse and worse as the days went on, anyway, and so when i'd rehearse it would take a bigger toll on me each time. sometimes it took three other monologues being rehearsed and then the song run through twice before i felt present, if still a lil off. the last time before tonight that i ran through it, i never recovered all night. i could no longer smile genuinely until going home and sleeping it off.
but tonight, i finished my piece. i dried my eyes. i cry every time i perform it, ya know. and i took a few deep breaths. i sat down. and i said to myself, okay. i performed, and i am proud of how i did, and i feel i did justice to the woman whose story i was telling. now i am allowed to be present, where i am right now.
and i told the tough atmosphere, the heavy emotions in particular, the actual energy itself that has no bias and no judgment, that i had bigger fish to fry!!!
those feelings serve me well sometimes. but when they do not i do not need anyone's permission to free myself from them in order to be the best i can be.
and i had a good time!
plus this morning i half-listened to a reading of ~the magic story~ on youtube while also doing multiple other things, and the one line that stuck out to me in my distraction was about each of us having a plus entity and a minus entity within ourselves that we can choose to align with.and so i was casually like, hey, okay, then i choose to align w my plus entity. got some lil goosebumps. and went the fuck on w my day. simple and small as that. but i think it means and will keep meaning a lot.
