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Aug. 26th, 2018 08:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
venusundaeaw shucks. these dweebs are too good to me~
and like i don't mind lmao. half the time the only way i'd see people is if i accompanied them to bars and that's just not my scene. honestly if i never have to enter a bar again for the rest of my life i'd be happier for it.
but i guess since i didn't make a big dramatic purposeful deal out of ~cutting toxic people out of my life~*~ i kinda missed it when i ended up sort of organically making more and more choices to avoid people who bother me or make me uncomfortable or who i just don't fuckin vibe with.
and now i'm second guessing myself as tho it might be WRONG of me to not spend my time and energy and money and effort on people who i just like. don't. like. bc well they like me! so shouldn't i suck it up and just have a lackluster night our w them for their own sake?
which is fuckin dumb? i've got a million things i wanna do w my life and my stupid ego is here saying "um but why are you happy pursuing your dreams and healing your life and living your truth but NOT going out every weekend w people you have a mediocre time with so you can post your selfies on the internet to prove to strangers that you are superficially loved???"
point being that it's not like i don't have other people in my life that i do genuinely appreciate and enjoy the company of whatever form it takes. see above screenshot! so idk why this dumb tiny part of me is worried about how visibly i spend time w people who matter less to me.
i guess it's a societal pressure thing. if my social life doesn't look conventional enough to the general public then i'm a failure.
at least according to the programming.
but consciously i know that's useless and unhelpful so i guess i'll work on that next haha.
this is not at all what i was expecting this post to be when i started lmao i just wanted to remember this cute moment from my friends. but that's the shadow work always picking up the check. it's chill. i see you, shadow. let's get to work.
and like i don't mind lmao. half the time the only way i'd see people is if i accompanied them to bars and that's just not my scene. honestly if i never have to enter a bar again for the rest of my life i'd be happier for it.
but i guess since i didn't make a big dramatic purposeful deal out of ~cutting toxic people out of my life~*~ i kinda missed it when i ended up sort of organically making more and more choices to avoid people who bother me or make me uncomfortable or who i just don't fuckin vibe with.
and now i'm second guessing myself as tho it might be WRONG of me to not spend my time and energy and money and effort on people who i just like. don't. like. bc well they like me! so shouldn't i suck it up and just have a lackluster night our w them for their own sake?
which is fuckin dumb? i've got a million things i wanna do w my life and my stupid ego is here saying "um but why are you happy pursuing your dreams and healing your life and living your truth but NOT going out every weekend w people you have a mediocre time with so you can post your selfies on the internet to prove to strangers that you are superficially loved???"
point being that it's not like i don't have other people in my life that i do genuinely appreciate and enjoy the company of whatever form it takes. see above screenshot! so idk why this dumb tiny part of me is worried about how visibly i spend time w people who matter less to me.
i guess it's a societal pressure thing. if my social life doesn't look conventional enough to the general public then i'm a failure.
at least according to the programming.
but consciously i know that's useless and unhelpful so i guess i'll work on that next haha.
this is not at all what i was expecting this post to be when i started lmao i just wanted to remember this cute moment from my friends. but that's the shadow work always picking up the check. it's chill. i see you, shadow. let's get to work.
