i like just the way you are

okay, The Goal?

loving myself, so purely and honestly for everything that i am and am not, unabashedly to the point where all those who will not serve me and my goals let me know by hating me on the virtue of my self appreciation alone

i am fond of people. individually, collectively, as a reality and as a concept. but honestly i don't have the time or energy to keep myself from personal progress so that i can help those who aren't willing to progress w me! but when i get tired i end up in moods where i say shallow things like "ugh i hate everyone" and "god i need better friends". when the reality is just as simple but i don't want to admit it — that i can love people but still have no obligation to serve them to my detriment.

bc if i wear myself thin i can't help any of you suckers anymore, now can i!?

OKAY. maybe this is normal. the world sure is changing all the time and shit just is normal before you realize it but i personally never experienced this before so i'm a lil stirred lmao



this GUY ? sits in his truck with flat earth messages on the side of a busy road every day??? it's been two weeks! he is in the truck the entire time making what i can only presume is intimidating eye contact behind his 90s hacker shades.

the other day i drove back and forth from downtown three times and he was there EACH TIME. is he getting paid? david thinks he gets paid and has made it known he would totally take that job. he has been trying to snap pictures as we drive by but it keeps just turning out like this truck is a goddam cryptid

none of this will matter come monday bc then i'll get to reign supreme as Director with my Final Say and whatever but here's a tiny rant bc i keep thinking about it even tho i am trying to do other shit

i'm directing a play written by a fourth grader in the young playwright's festival this year. and when we read through it yesterday it was humorous and cute and i immediately got a ~vision~ of the blocking in my head and all that corny stuff. and when talking to the kid and asking what he was hoping for from the performance, it included us both explicitly acknowledging that it's a silly play w a lot of fun jokes in it and there are a lot of lines we can play up kind of dramatically or sarcastically and i was p excited about it after being told it was ~a hard play to produce~ bc it was sounding so easy and fun already.

today at auditions our actors were reading it very straight and boring and like c-list camp after being shown which kid wrote the script lmao. and when i mentioned hey it'll be a funny time you can relax a little the other two directors were like "um no disagree. this is our only dramatic play!"

and again it won't matter come monday and they are too busy directing their own plays to bother w how i direct mine. but i feel like everyone is trying to hype up this kid SO HARD that they are reading a blatant comedy with such tone deaf earnestness that it loses his voice in the process of insulting his intelligence. lmao typing that feels so dramatic. he's nine. and i think the kid is just thrilled to be here, honestly, so it's not a big issue. but it doesn't mean it's not true, still.

i am so glad i ALKALIZED MY VESSEL for now i can eat an entire pineapple in one sitting, which i have always wished i could do! i also wake up with slightly fresher breath in the mornings than i once did. that will just come in the handiest if i ever desire to smooch another person who also has an ALKALIZED VESSEL before we have the mind to brush our goddamn teeth in the early morning hours :)

i am so glad i tried it! ALKALIZE YOUR VESSEL today!!!

legit feel like i've gone back in time three years lmao.

so i guess the warped reality sensations aren't over yet! i keep thinking about people i haven't talked to in ages. my best friend called me the other day drunk as hell with "the tea". and she told me shit about four different people who neither of us has talked to in years, but it was all shit i knew so it was really weird? i was like "girl pls you cannot be this drunk." she tried to tell me one of our friends is engaged and has a kid i was like i know! i've known since i met him and i'm the one who introduced him to you! she tried to tell me other stuff, all of which was junk that i told her first, months ago.

i don't think she remembers that phone call either which makes it feel even more eerie~~*~*~*~

i went to an event planning meeting the other day using a lil meeting room at starbucks and one of the baristas looked like an ex of mine only like a foot taller. and usually that'd honestly probably have ruined my week, if not given me a panic attack just with all the stupid (really... STUPID) thoughts it brought back up in me (they were... a really bad ex lmao). but this time it didn't. i was just kinda like "ah ah ah, i know why you're here!". (to myself. in my head.)

meaning this is just where i'm at right now i guess! having to watch life happen as tho i haven't spent the last three years changing the vast majority of aspects of my waking life, but with all the knowledge i've gained in that time. it's frustrating. mostly because i've had to admit to myself that i've actually moved on from a lot that i never thought i would, and that i have - in some ways, regrettably - forgiven many people i didn't think i'd ever forgive this fast.

shaking my fist at the healthy mental journeys that inevitably accompany healthy coping skills and life habits. what if i had wanted to hold molten hot grudges forever, huh!?

wow guess who just had the boujiest spoiled bitch idea ever just now it was me

i use this royal jelly moisturizer (wait do you want the fancier and more obnoxious version? burts bees royal jelly hydrating gel cream) as part of my nightly skin care routine. does it do anything at all for my actual skin? i'm halfway through the jar and i honestly cannot tell but it makes me feel good and also fancy and i fuckin love being all honeybee themed so i keep slathering it on. i'm dry af i'm sure it's better than nothing lmao.

BUT as i'm slathering just now i'm thinkin about that honeybee theme shit and i swear out of nowhere i muse all dramatically to myself like "ho hum this is cool but i wish i had the option of bee products based on local bees who source from the native flora of where i live"

so to give me a tiny bit of credit i've been thinkin a lot about local bees and how i need to stock back up on honey made in the area and maybe even bee pollen bc my allergies have been flaring up and getting annoying and i hear that helps! but i'm also the first to say to five-minutes-ago-me sit down oh my god

HONESTLY? i have wanted to buy the chase variant twyla vinyl for ages. since i first saw it. look at her she's so cute. and i thought it'd be fun to get the original twyla too and set em up together somewhere? i don't even know where???

but that's my problem bc since i don't have a lot of space to set them up all intentional like i keep putting it off bc i'm corny and need everything to be purposeful and also rly have gotta stop buying cute things for my cute dream home before i have said dream home to put them in lmao.

truly, they are not even that pricey i just am picky about timing and dimensionally pervasive ambiance~~~ so i use that as an excuse to save the few bucks til whenever. so if i miss out on the opportunity it'll be 100% my fault. and i already had to give up on my dreams of chase variant rochelle smh. you know what everyone would say whenever i'd show them this picture and say it's on my wishlist??? "oh wow haha yea that's very You", "definitely your aesthetic" and my response? "i know!"

i think about this at least once a month really, lmao. all the while she gathers dust in my amazon wish list

twice already a lady in this meeting for redesigning our website has said to the one man in the room that he was "mansplaining" to her just bc he was talking and it's like supposed to be a joke and everybody forces themselves to laugh super loud in response haha look at me i'm woke enough to find this funny out loud ! but it's so uncomfortable and i'm trying rly hard to not roll my eyes every time this lady forces a buzzword refrence as though she just learned it yesterday sdkjghkk

last night i have a dream where i exfoliated the... FUCK out of my face! and this morning after i woke up and was washing my face in the shower i realized my big ole cluster of pimples i had all over my jaw the night before were gONE

is this how it works??? do i have to learn how to lucid dream now? ?? where are my dreams about living in a mansion with my beautiful wife?!?

memorable quotes from the winnie the pooh kids


( siLLY" )