smh none of the jokes i make on purpose ever pan out but this is the shit that people laugh at?

[venusundae]

my friend was telling me about how his mom left a watermelon in her car for a week, and i was certain it must be at least a lil dehydrated but wtf do i know about plants. he knows that there's "something you can do" like tap on it to find out if it's ripe or whatever else, and is passionately grilling me about it as though i would just know off the top of my head.

i say to him, "i don't know what to do with a watermelon. i'm not a farmer. i just want to date a farmer."

he laughs for like. 45 seconds straight. and then tells me "that needs to be the title of your memoir, right."

Comments

[sonofgodzilla]

Do a victory lap!

I have a grudge against watermelons, so I feel no sympathy for this dehydrated fruit. :p

[venusundae]

oh no! what gave you a grudge against them? i appreciate watermelon i am just ill-educated on them lmao

tho thinking about it now they're probably way too hearty~ to be affected by just a week in a hot car tbh

[sonofgodzilla]

They're just so... watery. I feel betrayed every time I eat watermelon. Like I wanted something fruity but instead, here's the watermelon, nature's uncomfortable lovechild of a basketball and a tap. Ugh. Try harder watermelon, just try and have some kind of flavour!

*shouts at watermelon running around a track as if she is a trainer*

[venusundae]

haha i mean that makes sense.

how timely, i just saw this today and i think you might appreciate it~
instagram video

[sonofgodzilla]

that is so, so satisfying to watch, oh my gosh.