smh none of the jokes i make on purpose ever pan out but this is the shit that people laugh at?

my friend was telling me about how his mom left a watermelon in her car for a week, and i was certain it must be at least a lil dehydrated but wtf do i know about plants. he knows that there's "something you can do" like tap on it to find out if it's ripe or whatever else, and is passionately grilling me about it as though i would just know off the top of my head.

i say to him, "i don't know what to do with a watermelon. i'm not a farmer. i just want to date a farmer."

he laughs for like. 45 seconds straight. and then tells me "that needs to be the title of your memoir, right."