shits weird man
Feb. 1st, 2014 02:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
venusundaeI don't know what anything ever means in the grand scheme of things, and sometimes I don't even care. But occasionally weird ass coincidences happen and ya gotta write those things down.
Yesterday was January 31st, 2014.
And overall, it wasn't to miraculous or anything. But it did feel weird all day. I felt weird during CHP, which is generally an okay class, if not rather positive. But I couldn't concentrate and all I could think about was how much I didn't belong there. I even entertained the idea of not coming back next semester. Even though it's the only way I'd be able to pay for school, and leaving would mess up my critical thinking credits and generally just make junk harder for me. I had never thought of leaving before. But I just wanted to go away and never look back.
But that's probably nothing.
Uh, fast forward I was just about to leave with my dad and younger siblings for dinner. I wasn't really hungry but aw I wanted to spend time with them bc I never get to do that. But then my mom texted me saying "whenever you are ready" she needed to be picked up.
And suddenly I got really mad??? It was completely uncalled for haha. I was suddenly just very mad. I snapped at my dad. I yelled at them to just leave without me, whatever. I twisted my ankle for the third time that day while putting on my stupid pants ahaha and that just frustrated me further. And I left before them so they would be gone when I got back.
And as I was driving there, yeah I had been mad. But I didn't really know why. Suddenly I began crying. Nothing snotty or dramatic I now realize, haha, but it was so sudden! I thought maybe I was just frustrated over my ankle? Not that it made very much sense. I even thought to myself "geez it's not like it hurts that bad. . .". But yeah tears were comin down man I had to get a tissue. And I had no clue why I was crying.
Sidenote: Once upon a time Cecelia told me during a session that "98% of what we feel doesn't belong to us". And TBQH I don't know how much of that I belive because that is a damn big number and yeah could I get a peer-reviewed anything on that??? But. Okay her point was we sometimes absorb or accidentally catch other people's energy~*~ that is floating around I guess? I don't know. It sounds neat, and maybe might make sense, but like I said, not 100% convinced. Or 98%. Maybe 43% haha. But she told me, when I am feeling bad, to say
That actually calmed me down a bit, though. Maybe just because it involved me yelling, and so inadvertently got me to release some tension even if the whole nebulous energy~ thing (???) had nothing to do with it. But then when I got to my mom's work, she was already waiting for me (which never happens hah I always have to wait twenty minutes for her to pack up and finish chatting). And she had been crying and I kind of just knew that's why I'd been crying, too.
?!??
Yesterday was the anniversary of January 31, 1992.
Wow obviously. So why is that significant?
Maybe it's not. But okay I told my dad and Sonya and David what had just happened and they were like 'yeah, that sure does sound weird!' which lead my dad to tell me a story I had heard before but totally forgotten.
Where on January 31, 21 years ago, my dad had just quit his job, the most well-paying job he had had in his life, to this day. He says he needed to branch out, get away from there, or else he knew he would get too comfortable and never be able to leave. On his way to work he was in a car accident, hit by a guy running a red light. His car was absolutely totalled. But typical My Dad, he went into work anyway. But he was just feeling super depressed and so decided to leave at lunch. He's messin around on the computer at home, when he gets a call from my mom. She's crying. It turns out she had been in a car accident, too. Same day, two cars totaled, on my dad's last day of work!
My mom decided she needed to go to the hospital the next day, and that is how she found out she was pregnant with me.
Idk man, just weird stuff!
entry
Yesterday was January 31st, 2014.And overall, it wasn't to miraculous or anything. But it did feel weird all day. I felt weird during CHP, which is generally an okay class, if not rather positive. But I couldn't concentrate and all I could think about was how much I didn't belong there. I even entertained the idea of not coming back next semester. Even though it's the only way I'd be able to pay for school, and leaving would mess up my critical thinking credits and generally just make junk harder for me. I had never thought of leaving before. But I just wanted to go away and never look back.
But that's probably nothing.
Uh, fast forward I was just about to leave with my dad and younger siblings for dinner. I wasn't really hungry but aw I wanted to spend time with them bc I never get to do that. But then my mom texted me saying "whenever you are ready" she needed to be picked up.
And suddenly I got really mad??? It was completely uncalled for haha. I was suddenly just very mad. I snapped at my dad. I yelled at them to just leave without me, whatever. I twisted my ankle for the third time that day while putting on my stupid pants ahaha and that just frustrated me further. And I left before them so they would be gone when I got back.
And as I was driving there, yeah I had been mad. But I didn't really know why. Suddenly I began crying. Nothing snotty or dramatic I now realize, haha, but it was so sudden! I thought maybe I was just frustrated over my ankle? Not that it made very much sense. I even thought to myself "geez it's not like it hurts that bad. . .". But yeah tears were comin down man I had to get a tissue. And I had no clue why I was crying.
Sidenote: Once upon a time Cecelia told me during a session that "98% of what we feel doesn't belong to us". And TBQH I don't know how much of that I belive because that is a damn big number and yeah could I get a peer-reviewed anything on that??? But. Okay her point was we sometimes absorb or accidentally catch other people's energy~*~ that is floating around I guess? I don't know. It sounds neat, and maybe might make sense, but like I said, not 100% convinced. Or 98%. Maybe 43% haha. But she told me, when I am feeling bad, to say
If this belongs to somebody else, then I release it from me. I wish to let go of what is other's and focus on what is mine.etc etc something along those lines. And at this point I was very frustrated, and I happened to remember her telling me that. And so I said it. Yelled it tbh. Out loud alone crying in a minivan that this junk needed to "get away from me! you're not even mine go away!" like damn ahaha.
That actually calmed me down a bit, though. Maybe just because it involved me yelling, and so inadvertently got me to release some tension even if the whole nebulous energy~ thing (???) had nothing to do with it. But then when I got to my mom's work, she was already waiting for me (which never happens hah I always have to wait twenty minutes for her to pack up and finish chatting). And she had been crying and I kind of just knew that's why I'd been crying, too.
?!??
Yesterday was the anniversary of January 31, 1992.Wow obviously. So why is that significant?
Maybe it's not. But okay I told my dad and Sonya and David what had just happened and they were like 'yeah, that sure does sound weird!' which lead my dad to tell me a story I had heard before but totally forgotten.
Where on January 31, 21 years ago, my dad had just quit his job, the most well-paying job he had had in his life, to this day. He says he needed to branch out, get away from there, or else he knew he would get too comfortable and never be able to leave. On his way to work he was in a car accident, hit by a guy running a red light. His car was absolutely totalled. But typical My Dad, he went into work anyway. But he was just feeling super depressed and so decided to leave at lunch. He's messin around on the computer at home, when he gets a call from my mom. She's crying. It turns out she had been in a car accident, too. Same day, two cars totaled, on my dad's last day of work!
My mom decided she needed to go to the hospital the next day, and that is how she found out she was pregnant with me.
Idk man, just weird stuff!
entry
