venusundae | Entries tagged with life and times

i hear goal setting is good! i hear setting goals increases the likelihood of accomplishing goals! let's think about goals!

my life has just been wigglin out of control in all sorts of directions bc i'm like "boo hoo i wish i could make these things happen" and then "but it's much wiser and healthier for me to focus on this thing first which will also make me better equipped to handle all other dreams i have" and also just losing my routine and not even knowing what kind of routine i want and hello darkness my old friend there she is: mistressDepression

but here's some easy peasy stuff i'm gonna aim for this month bc structure is helpful right now:

🌸 exfoliate my face once a week and make a big fancy Self-Care Time deal about it!

🌸 build one (1) of the many goofy radionics devices i've been wanting to mess with

🌸 oh shoot i just remembered i have kid's musical numbers to choreograph

🌸 write one short story before aprilll?

🌸 breathe

okay i need to stop while i am ahead let's get it donnne

how to be e e assertiiivvvVvvEeEEEE E E EE E E eEe ?

i'm an asshole who thinks that just because i am fond of people that they have the same manners and emotional intelligence and boundaries as i do and simply will not ever ask me stupid uncomfortable things bc the answer will obviously be noooOOO O O o and so i don't ever (EvER?) prepare myself for that shit and then they AsK and i'm that stupid deer in headlights going "uuuh... o kkay?"

most accurate and accessible of current weather forecasts: uh, i wore four different shirts today — all at the same time — and never once thought "hey, i'm feeling a bit uncomfortably warm at the moment"

and! some of that time? i was also wearing a coat! shivering!! indoors!!!

Current Mood: cold

god our show literally ended LAST NIGHT and everyone in our group chat is like huewuwuwuw miss uuu you're my world sparkly heart emojiii

but me? ummm i'm listening to the stars please and thank youuu

"stop this already! you do not even have the resources to be doing this!!!"
---me to my dry ass skin every time i accidentally brush a really painful pimple it sprouted overnight

what the FUCK else is this journal truly for besides documenting the inconsequential and dumb junk going on in my daily life.

i came home just now and saw the van was gone and i noticed sophia's shoes were not in the foyer as i came in. and i had a lil moment where i felt all sherlock holmesy bc i was like ooo okay i can DEDUCE from this CLUE that SOPHIA (who since living in korea never wears shoes into a home beyond the foyer) is not home right now 👀 but i took two more steps into the house and there she was just about to sit in front of the tv w a steaming bowl of microwave noodles and the first thing out of my mouth was "wait you're here?"

after the "...where should i be?" explanations we started watching the new season 3 of a series of unfortunate events on netflix (sidenote i was once so obsessed w this series as a kid i joined a forum where multiple people shared parsley soda recipes and i totally considered actually making it)

during the show violet picks up an almost empty sasparilla bottle cout olaf threw out the car window a few scenes earlier and says a corny melodrama line like "look here is a bottle of liquid that isn't frozen meaning it hasn't been here for very long and probably thrown out by somebody awful who doesn't care about littering meaning count olaf was here" and i told sophia "that's how i felt when i noticed your shoes were gone"

i'm kind of a wimp for the cold but i do love the dark months bc then i get to wear sweaters (lovely! cozy! comfy!) ans then i get to spend all day absent mindedly picking bolitas off my outfit which is my favorite of my nervous habits~

(my) dad jokes...

i've got a lot of things i want to change in my life.

i am doing good tho! like i feel great. it's not that i walk around with a spring in my step or anything haha. but i think i just have an intimate understanding of just how awful i could be feeling? like i spent years and years feeling awful constantly and so now that i feel just alright most of the time, whenever anyone asks how i am doing i say "good!" and i am excited about it!!! and i mean it!!! and it's really nice.

i'm not perfect but i don't care? because i am doing okay and i'm working on getting better and better all the time.

i was like trying to focus this morning and in its defiance my mind wandered and you know what overwhelmingly persistent thought kept poking me in the damn eye and nudging at my ribs? that it would be a worthwhile use of my time to go reread homestuck

now i'm on page 31 smh ( ⚛️ )

it's getting cold lately so i've got my trusty space heater back out that's been w me for years and it makes it's own hum of gadgetry white noise that depending precisely upon just how everything in my room is arranged bounce off the walls in a subtle metallic wah-wah type of song and rn it's playing these four notes from that moment right before the (metaphorical) bass drops in ave maria and i'm getting PUMPED UP

edit: oh i just started wordlessly vocalizing ave maria god i love that song and now even romeo is pumped bc he stirred from his cat nap in my lap and just stared at me in wide eyed anticipation until the crescendo then he had to bust a move (meaning he got up and shook himself a lil then found a different laying position)

long time no post yea i say that every time it's been more than twenty minutes since my last update but that's bc the goal here is to write down literally everything and anything so i can read about it later and be like oh yea what a sap

so today's my birthday. and i'm obsessed w my birthday and am totally about making it a big deal but i guess that's why i'm rly sad today. i'm just not where i wanted to be by now, which is far away from here, even tho i know that's being mean to myself and dismissing just how far i have come and how much i rly do have to go through in order to realize the dream~ and all that. it's not like i'm not constantly moving. but i'm judging myself the way others would judge someone who has far less to overcome than me so it gets messy and unhelpful.

anyway i had a dream last night that i had a baby. and i got all sappy about it in a i-wanna-be-a-mom-but-know-i'm-not-ready-to-be kind of way even tho i think if it means anything it means a birth of something more figurative than an actual human child. especially bc i've never in my life considered becoming pregnant lmao.

his name was daniel and he had dark red hair and he was so sweet and smart and details aside it was just a very lovely time to go through raising him into a kind hearted and loving lil boy who changed my life.

lotta thoughts swimming. maybe i need to feel all sad and weepy after feeling rly great for so long to kick me into overdrive or something haha. here's to wishing for the best and making the best.

i was walking to a lunch meeting downtown and one of the aristocats kids saw me and SCREAMED my name until i saw her, while waving frantically w both arms and hanging half her body out the window sobs

i'm just happy they had a good enough time in my show to be outrageously excited for me to notice them for a moment in passing weeks later

i'm delving into my annual x files marathon rn and after the general affectionate "i'm obsessed w this show" sentiment, the overwhelming impression i am left w after trying to move on w my life is how even without the most graphic depictions of on screen gore ever (tho nasty shit is def implied off screen in every ep lmao) this show unsettles and grosses me out more than any other ultra in your face explicit horror i've ever watched

i say "blech" "ugh" "omg!!! grooosss!!!" like eight times an episode and am actually invested in the story and that makes it more memorable. idk how many nasty slasher films i've watched that i just walked away from and never remembered and never need to see again tbh.

it's certainly got at least some to do w the fact that i'm in love w these characters but w that said i gotta stop while i'm ahead lmao

tbh i normally hate bumper stickers? i can't even tell you why exactly. i hate them even when i agree w them! they are obnoxious and self important and no matter how witty or shocking i've yet to hear of any bumper sticker changing someone's perspective or inciting interesting conversation. but they are only a step below controversial graphic tees or passive agressive tweets and i rarely give a shit about those.

anyway! on my way to work just now i was stopped behind a car with one singular bumper sticker that said "i love giraffes!" with a handsome lil graphic of the animal in question.

and i liked it a lot! maybe even more so bc of my well established animosity toward every other bumper sticker i had seen before in my life. but it was cute. i thoroughly enjoyed getting to witness it this morning. and perhaps things are changing and this is a sweet sign.

yes, things including my own unnecessary aggression toward the trite and fleeting.

Current Location: i love giraffes too!

aw shucks. these dweebs are too good to me~

( ♡ )

okay this is gonna sound fake deep but it's just TRUE okay so

tonight was the performance for the 24 hour play festival! it went very well. i had a good time NOT acting and instead being on administrative crew and also filming junk all day for a documentary that imma have to spend ages editing someday.

but after the performance somebody i knew (who was not there to see me, but other mutual pals who were in the show so i'm not as big of a bitch lmao) asked me if i wanted to go to denny's. like they yelled it up at me from where i was halfway up the house. and i kind of instinctively just yelled back "who ever wants to go to denny's?" ( 🥞 )

i don't know if i ever made a post about the cowboy wizard but if i did then i'm doing it again bc there's more to add to the saga now lmao ( alakazam )

my brother came home from a lil party w his pals the other day and told me there was another... encounter~ ( yippee ki yay )

more to come in time i imagine... 👀

i remember when i learned about the idea of ~enlightenment~ in world religions in like 6th grade or something and my first instinct was like "wow sounds cool! but i don't want to become enlightened this time around bc then i won't be able to relate to anyone lmao"

and here i am like a decade later and mega far off from being enlightened myself, but i still have the same problem i was trying to avoid tbh! ( golly )

i'm stupidly self-reliant and maybe in a bit of an arrogant way but mostly in an ambitious way, where i have so many IDEAS and i'm all excited about making them PRETTY and executing them w passion and purpose! and so in a lot of aspects in life i've got a fairly unwavering "i'll do it myself" attitude.

( 💅 )

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i like just the way you are

you set me free

Entries tagged with life and times

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also how to say " n . o "

i also have a metabolism problem but i mean really!

i mean i'll miss like maybe six of em but not yet wtf

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i'm only good at deduction when i'm allowed to ask copious amounts of questions

🎑

🍝

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unexpected event

wah wah wah

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😳

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now i want pancakes tho

yeehaw

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cough cough cough coguh cough co gh cou. c

Links

welcome

July 2024